Website you should check out

If you run, jog, or walk in your neighborhood and get sick of the same old path, check out this website. It allows you to find running maps in your neighborhood and upload your own route. I love it for training for a long race, because otherwise I get bored going the same way every day.

Ten things I just cannot do right.

1. RETURN LIBRARY BOOKS ON TIME. I live at the library. You'd think I could remember to bring my finished books with me for my almost daily trips! What is wrong with me! And why is the library assistant always snickering?! I'm pretty sure my fines have paid for a brand new air conditioner at my local branch.
2. Trim my bangs. I know what they are supposed to look like, and I feel as if, as an artist, I should be able to direct my hands to perform the snips required to obtain that look. Instead I have this really alien angle to them.
3. Drink a Starbucks frappucino drink without dripping. I can't do this because it is not physically possible. I dare you, go buy one of those ill-designed glass bottles and just TRY not to dribble on your crisp white button-down.
4. Take medication. You know, if I was an organ transplant patient, I would just have to die, that's all there is to it. I simply cannot remember to take prescribed medication. I hate to admit how many bottles of unfinished penicillin are in my medicine cabinet (and I sure ain't telling my dentist). And I'm a pharmacist!
5. Take vitamins. Same story here. I have a bottle of 90 multivitamins on my desk and I just glanced at the half-full bottle and noticed that the price sticker is from a store in a city I lived in four years ago. It took me four years to take 50 vitamins.
6. Cook turkey bacon or sausage. I zealously add microwave minutes, trying for a golden brown. I simply cannot figure out that turkey sausage is supposed to be a lifeless gray resembling the fingers of a drowned corpse. Therefore I end up with turkey briquettes instead.
7. Paint the nails on my LEFT hand. I'm right-handed, so this should be easy. It's not! I always have colorful cuticles though. Maybe I can start a trend.
8. Feed babies. I give them colic. Moms hate me.
9. Get off the escalator gracefully. I dread that last step when I trip on my toe.
10. Water my plants. They all die a dreadful death in about 2 weeks.

Exercise solutions when it is pouring rain

It has been pouring, pouring, pouring for a week and a half here (NOLA has also been boasting record-breaking temperatures for October - this is making running a chore instead of a pastime).
It's tempting to skip your exercise when it rains, opting instead for a good book and a fat-laden snack. But here are a couple of ways to work in exercise despite the weather:
1. Perfect time to go to the gym or an exercise class. Shower at home so it won't matter if you get rained on running to your car!
2. Break out the exercise mat and old exercise video!
3. Do the stairs. Jog up and down your stairs for half an hour you'll definitely feel like you got a full work out!
4. Make today an "abs" day: do a series of sit-ups, crunches, and other ab exercises: all of which you can do with minimal or no equipment.
5. If it's a light rain, put on old shoes and go for a run in the rain. It can be refreshing.
6. Create your own boot camp by spending 15 minutes each on hard and fast cardio, weights, and stretch and strengthen exercises. I usually start out with several abs exercises, squats and lunges, and pushups; then do cardio (exercise bike, stairs, running in place, etc); then finish with weights.

Complicated birthday party

Is there someone in your life who manages to take every situation overboard? Most of my friends agree that's me. No, just kidding. But I have a semi-relative (through layers of marriage) who turns every little get-together into an insane party. For example, if a group of people decide to play cards on Friday night, it turns into a giant game night with 50 guests. If we are planning to watch a movie together, she suggests a movie marathon in to the wee hours. In this instance, our laid-back birthday dinner we had planned for my mother in law has turned into an elaborate affair with - wait for it - four desserts. As if anyone needs more than one dessert, let alone four. Isn't that just the epitome of the fat American lifestyle?
FYI I got roped into bringing a soup and a salad. We are also having appetizers, main course, and side dishes. I already feel the need to have my stomach stapled.

sad lady at the park

Last year when I was training for a half-marathon I was spending a lot of quality time in Audubon park. I often passed a very old couple teetering along together. What was so cute was that even in moderate weather they were completely bundled, head to toe; and the husband always helped his wife over ruts, roots, cracks, and bumps (the track ain't what it used to be). Sadly, I didn't see them this spring, and this summer the woman reappeared but without her husband. She started taking walks alone (the strange thing is that she seemed much LESS frail by herself!). I couldn't help but be saddened - they were so cute together. However I am happy to report that on my recent runs I've seen her with a beautiful greyhound, so I think she has found some sort of companionship again!

My birthday perfume substitute

I replaced the perfume my husband got me for my birthday that I didn't like (I can't tell you what it was because I find it disgusting, but it is a kind of popular scent so I don't want to offend. Bet you're dying to know now, too!). I ended up buying Burberry Weekend, which has a surprisingly rich scent (you'd think "Weekend" would smell country, or sporty, or relaxed...). I like it, but I have one complaint. The scent vanished in about an hour! As in, no trace! I like to be able to catch a hint of scent even towards the end of the day - say, when I take my hair down or as I am undressing if I got a little on my shirt collar. That's the idea - a nice smell that stays with you. I feel like I'd have to re-apply this one, and with my spasticity I don't dare bring perfume with me: I'd surely break the bottle in my purse.
But if you have a one-hour date coming up, I'd recommend the scent!

making a fru-fru bow headband

If hard plastic headbands hurt your tender temples, you're probably all disappointed that you can't wear all the cute headbands for sale now - the ones with big colorful flowers, bows, pearls, whatever. I kind of am. I say "kind of" because part of me thinks the only people who should wear flowers glued on headbands are bald infant girls. However, succumbing to the trend, I made my own version. I used a soft stretchy band since it is gentler on my oddly shaped skull.
You need: an elastic hairband, lace, and a needle and thread. I used lace to add texture and interest; it is also a good choice because you don't need to hem it, making this an easy 2 minute project.
Simply cut a strip of lace twice as long as you want the bow to be, then fold the edges in to the center of the bow. Position the lace on the headband (I put the center of the bow over the metal piece to hide it); stitch in place making sure you sew through all layers of material. If you want to hide your stitches, cut a tiny strip of lace and wrap it around the middle of the bow, sewing in place in the back. You can also see in the picture that I stitched the bow down on the ends, too, going through the back layer only. This makes the bow lie flat against my head instead of sticking out childishly.
I like to pair this with a plain pearl necklace for a look that screams, "I drowned on the Titanic".