1. A commentary on your digestion. "Pam wishes she hadn't had that taco bell! Argh, fire!"
2. A gooey, icky-sweet mention of your spouse or significant other's wonderfulness. "Jenny is so in love with her cutie-patootie Todd." Barf, barf.
3. is. Just is with a period. If you're trying to make some existentialist statement, it's already been made a thousand times. Not cute! Try harder!
4. Sarcastic comments meant for others on facebook. "James knows now who his real friends are, because a real friend would have returned a favor after all I did for you last week". Or: "I'm taking the trash out in my life! So if you stop hearing from me, I guess that means you know you were in that trash pile!" (hint, they're called friends! So if they aren't your friends, why are they your friends?!)
5. Your cleverly masked bragging. Example: My classmate who always works the distance she ran into her status, hoping for compliments. "I saw Angelina Jolie in the park while on my 12 mile run".
6. Serious stuff. Get a sense of humor. "Dan hurts deep inside his soul and is ashamed that he had a second cocktail to mask the pain instead of talking to someone who cares."
7. Your TMI. "Belle just saw her credit score and is totally freaking out!"
8. Your politically-charged tirade that requires additional comments to finish the statement out.
9. Your gripes about your job. Where is your brain? Don't you think your employers check facebook once in a while? They do.
10. Your every little move. "Alicia is drinking her coffee." "Alicia is about to make some breakfast." "Alicia is heading to work." "Alicia is commuting." "Alicia is at her desk for a long day of work." "Alicia is wondering what to order for lunch?" "Alicia is about to pick up a $5 foot-long." etc.