Everything I never want to read about on a blog

1. Your smoothie recipe. Not appetizing. Newsflash: smoothies don't photograph well. And I don't need your recipe. If you need a recipe for a smoothie, you have oatmeal for brains (But carbs! Horror!).
2. How you used to think you were fat, but now you think you're just right, except you have insecurities about your thighs, and then there are people who tell you you're too muscular, but you know it just means you're STRONG SUPERWOMAN, but you worry about wearing shorts in public, and training for a marathon made you fat, and you don't like the term petite, and you embrace your thick quadriceps, and you cried because a stranger said you had cankles. Snore.
3. Any "recipe" created with protein powder. Barf. Protein powder is not a substitute for any real food, and that includes flour.
4. Your relationship with food. Who the heck has a "relationship" with food? You eat, or you die. Food nourishes you, and hopefully it tastes good, too. Not complicated.
5. All about your fake allergy/intolerance/disease. Truly lactose intolerant? Then show me the lab work, honey. Or just tell the truth: "I quit eating dairy because I get stomachaches when I run" is a perfectly acceptable statement. And while "I don't eat gluten because I need rigid rules to prevent me from overeating desserts" isn't perfectly acceptable, at least it's true.
6. Your review of the same. exact. crap. that every other blogger is also giving away this week (or better yet! That most are giving away but you are keeping and just reviewing!)
7. The Dramatic Failed Race. You didn't make your goal. I'm sorry. However, the time it takes you to run a marathon says nothing about who you are as a person. Move on.
8. The Dramatic Successful Race. I'm way more tolerant of this post, because I like to celebrate runners' successes with them - and these posts aren't filled with the same kind of nauseating self-flagellation as the Dramatic Failed Race posts are. But tell me details of the race, not how beating your goal made you a better mother or saved your marriage or solved world hunger. It didn't.
9. The Dramatic Failed Long Run. Seriously? No one cares. Long runs are supposed to feel bad. And if you're beating yourself up over a long run that sucked, you really need to reevaluate your priorities. Go volunteer at a shelter or something, just stop crying over the fact that you got tired at mile 9. Please.
10 The "I've-been-relying-on-X-brand-for-a-long-time" sponsorship reveal post crap. Mmmhmm. Sure. You never mentioned this sports drink in your life, and suddenly it's your "go-to long run nutrition"?
11. Your "healthy re-make" recipe. Guess what? Egg whites, nut butter, and some squash does not = pancakes. Nope.
12. How much you over-indulged this weekend on woo-hoo! Half a beer! Woo-hoo! Ate a gluten-free black bean brownie with a teaspoon of Arctic Zero!

I don't want to read any of that tripe. And that, my friends, is why I have a teeny tiny blog.